The following questionnaire was developed by Dr. John Gottman, recent Oprah guest and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. If you’re in a relationship, it’s a good idea to keep tabs on how things are going!
To assess the current state of your fondness and admiration system, answer the following. Read each statement and circle T for “true” or F for “false.”
1. I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. T F
2. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. T F
3. I will often find some way to tell my partner “I love you.” T F
4. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately. T F
5. My partner really respects me. T F
6. I feel loved and cared for in this relationship. T F
7. I feel accepted and liked by my partner. T F
8. My partner finds me sexy and attractive. T F
9. My partner turns me on sexually. T F
10. There is fire and passion in this relationship. T F
11. Romance is definitely still a part of our relationship. T F
12. I am really proud of my partner. T F
13. My partner really enjoys my achievements and accomplishments. T F
14. I can easily tell you why I married my partner. T F
15. If I had it all to do over again, I would marry the same person. T F
16. We rarely go to sleep without some show of love or affection. T F
17. When I come into a room, my partner is glad to see me. T F
18. My partner appreciates the things I do in this marriage. T F
19. My spouse generally likes my personality. T F
20. Our sex life is generally satisfying. T F
Scoring: Give yourself one point for each “true” answer.
10 or above: This is an area of strength for your marriage. Because you value each other highly, you have a shield that can protect your relationship from being overwhelmed by any negativity that also exists between you. Although it might seem obvious to you that people who are in love have a high regard for each other, it’s common for spouses to lose sight of some of their fondness and admiration over time. Remember that this fondness and admiration is a gift worth cherishing.